Growth
The Anatomy of Desire
Abstract
Desires are products of ignorance and can cause enormous suffering if not dealt with sufficient wisdom. To handle them skilfully, especially in today’s instant gratification age, a fixed set of mental rules are not always helpful. The power of desire is such that these external rules can fail us any time. What can help instead is an impersonal observation of the whole anatomy of desire, a clear understanding of how it works within us and how it influences our mind and psychology. If we approach the problem in this manner, we can hope to negate its effects by taking intelligent decisions, minimising suffering for ourselves and others and gaining control over our lives.
“Desire was the helper; Desire is the bar (1).”
Desire is a primal force of evolution. It was meant to awaken men from inertia and propel them into action. But it’s such a force that it can also push us to the brink of destruction if not managed well. Sri Aurobindo explains that, “Most men are, like animals, driven by the forces of Nature: whatever desires come, they fulfil them, whatever emotions come they allow them to play, whatever physical wants they have, they try to satisfy (2).“
But since man also has a mind and a faculty of reason, he can learn to curb the ill-effects of desire through reason and will. This is the method of conquering our lower nature by our higher nature. Let us closely examine some of the problems that arise around uncontrolled desires and seek to remedy them with a new awareness. Everyone encounters some of these issues at different stages in their life but we may not be conscious of falling victim to them.
The lost virtue of waiting
The immediate need to fulfil desires (just because we can) depreciates a precious human value that is not being cherished in modern times. It is the ‘virtue of waiting’. We need to learn to wait before impulsively jumping into action. Consequences of such heedless actions can often be very regrettable, so slowing down helps. Now, it is not waiting in itself that is being glorified here; the key idea is that of exercising self-control. The young might find it hard to understand the merit of these values, but history is proof that unregulated desires have been the greatest enemy of self-control, bringing nothing but personal ruin as a result. The fate of the impulsive and ambitious Duryodhana from the Mahabharata is the best example.
The benefits too are clear. The famous Stanford Marshmallow test (3), conducted on children by the psychologist, Walter Mischel shows that self-control indeed works in our best interest. It was found that the children who exhibited self-control went on to have successful lives and careers. In Indian culture, the story of little Nachiketas in Katha Upaniṣad exemplifies how he at once gave up all sensory pleasures to earn the highest Knowledge from Lord Yama, one that bestowed Nachiketas complete freedom and liberation from lowly things. He was only a teenager so his story stands as special inspiration to young minds.
The best remedy is to exercise self-control and with a clear understanding of the issue, delay gratification till the time is right. This way we get to use both our reason and will. Is it easier said than done? Yes, it is. Is it all not very hard? Yes, it is. All efforts towards cultivating nobility and steadiness of character have always been hard, more so in modern times, waiting, especially. While speaking to Arjuna in the Gita, Lord Sri Kṛṣna reveals the key to attaining this self-mastery. He says that all difficult things become easy with one thing: ‘Practice (4)’.The key then, is to keep our efforts consistent. With practice, all that once seemed hard and strained becomes natural and effortless.
Dependence and the casualty of self-respect
When we depend on others to fulfil our desires, it can be so comforting that we begin to cling to them for everything (families promote this negative habit unwittingly and get trapped into it). This dependence is cherished not just for small harmless needs but will slowly extend to bigger things. The habit will naturally lead to a handicap. It will devalue the power of our natural strength and self-reliance and erode our sense of responsibility for ourselves and those around us. And consequences will follow. With such a lax mindset, we begin to lose respect for ourselves, surely people do. It is very unhealthy to be in such a space. We stop growing as individuals. The important thing to note is that it all starts from accosting others to fulfil the desires which we cannot do ourselves. And human desires are such that they don’t leave you till you fulfil them!
An antidote to this crippling state is to become self-reliant and refrain from asking others to do anything for us that we can do ourselves. Additionally, it’s a bonus if we can go beyond ourselves and proactively extend our help to others by becoming a reliable support to them. One should learn to take joy in the idea of taking responsibility. It is through these deliberate actions that we turn around and restore our lost sense of self-worth and earn back our respect.
The sense of entitlement and negative emotions
When we have an entitlement mindset, we naturally expect others to gratify us because we feel we deserve that attention (‘Because I am so and so, I need to have this, I need to get that’). This feeling, though natural, is completely flawed and self-destructive. Everyone including our family, friends, relations and co-workers are often taken for granted and we hold little gratitude in our heart for the good things that come our way because of their kindness. To a certain extent, this belief-system is imbibed from parents who unwittingly spoil their children by sparing them all the necessary efforts needed for a healthy growth and development.
Entitled individuals feel that life must always be full of rewards to keep them happy. The result is that even minor failures lead to huge upsets and disappointments and they are quick to blame others for it. They falsely perceive the world itself as being mean and selfish, while forgetting to examine their own blatant selfishness in all this. The sense of entitlement can also blur the line between genuine needs and desires. The feverish pursuit to acquire things without putting in much effort causes additional suffering. All these negative emotions can eventually snowball and become so toxic that they lead to a breakdown, bringing suffering to ourselves and those alongside us.
We need to rethink if the hubris around entitlement and this suffering is worth it, especially for those superfluous desires that we feel must be satisfied at all cost. Really? The next time we desire something in life, we should say, ‘Now that I want this, I will have to do it all myself and not expect free gifts from others.’ This teaches us foremost the value of hard work and labour, one’s own and that of others. It educates us to respect people and relationships and life becomes a joy. This new awareness also brings a sense of gratitude in our heart to what others bring to us, and we learn to value everything dearly.
Transgressing ethical boundaries
Sometimes when we feel an acute desire for something, we might have to cross our ethical boundaries to acquire what we want. It is very easy for strong desires to influence our mind and push us into taking wrong actions. Some take ‘shortcuts’ to succeed by resorting to tricks like lying, deception and manipulative behaviour in the hope of getting what they want. The desire for status and richness, the wish to appear more intelligent than one is, the ambition to quickly rise up in one’s career, the idea to blindly compete with one’s neighbours, and even the need to control others around us are some of those motives that can push us into behaving in a harmful manner without fully being conscious. If the desire is intense, we can make risky choices and endanger ourselves which could end up tragically for some. Such is human slavery to desires! Quite rapidly, they transform us into animals.
We can totally avoid this fate if we are careful enough to control our blind impulses as soon as they surface. This requires a certain detachment and distancing from our desires, our life-events, and seeing them for what they are and how they influence our mind and action. Standing apart gives us a quietude that is necessary to make good decisions. When the consequences become clear to our eye, we can then use our will and wisdom to get rid of the very temptations (even ruthlessly, if need be) that could have led us on to the path of danger and to our downfall. If we are too involved in life, we cannot act prudently because our intelligence becomes fuzzy and distorted, making it harder to make good decisions. A witness-like attitude is a great help at all times.
What more, with such a refined and upright character, we can stand as a great example of personal nobility to the world and earn a well-deserved admiration. Noble people are a fast-disappearing species in modern times and the world needs them most now. Why end up pursuing smallness when we can live such a profound life?
The psychological burden of anxiety and boredom
Desires have taken a peculiar form in today’s times. Many want to gratify themselves immediately because it is possible to do so in the modern technological age. But this is a huge trap and a psychological burden to the young and old alike. For those who do not have the means, there is an enormous pain of losing out. Those who feel lucky enough to satisfy their pleasures soon become desensitised to pleasures, bringing them even more dissatisfaction as a result (see ‘hedonic adaptation’ (5)). All that remains is added anxiety and boredom. It is better to rationalise the eternal fact that desires will always keep us dissatisfied and slowly move away from them. The key to restore a balance is to live a simple and minimal life of few wants and needs.
Negative effects on personal health
The Mother says that a lack of control over desires can have serious ramifications on our personal health (6). No doubt, in this wild goose chase, we feel so fatigued and chronically stressed. Our mind too remains full of needless worries, resulting in disturbed sleep. This eventually has a cumulative effect on our health and well-being in the long run. What we most need is to create a quiet atmosphere around us physically and mentally. Living in Nature and spending time in solitude every now and then creates a space of constant inner peace and relaxation from the forces of life. It is now the practice to advocate meditation as a remedy to stress because it has shown proven health benefits (7) by rewiring our brain positively in just under a few weeks (8). It also improves our ability to focus and concentrate well and calms our mind and senses. Even a short 10-minute meditation has a great power to soothe our nerves and restore our health.
Conclusion
“A desire which knows that it will never be satisfied at once vanishes (9)”.
Desires hold us in bondage because we consent to this slavery wilfully in the hope of being fully satisfied one day, a day that never comes. If we wish, we can free ourselves much with the use of our reason and will. The real power lies in our consent, not in the desire itself. That is the secret.
Human life was not meant for enjoyment of petty desires and longings and then to disappear one day into oblivion with the passing of time. Our true greatness, our true purpose in life, is to die to our small personality and let the Divine Will take over our life and mind and heart and guide us out of the morass of desires to a luminous territory. Only then can we find a constant solace in life. As we ponder all this, the Divine flute of Sri Aurobindo’s words can be heard thus, giving us a ‘call to our quest’ and reminding us of our true destiny that none can ever miss:
“O Force-compelled,
Fate-driven earth-born race,
O petty adventurers in an infinite world
And prisoners of a dwarf humanity,
How long will you tread the circling tracks of mind
Around your little self and petty things?
But not for a changeless littleness were you meant,
Not for vain repetition were you built;
Out of the Immortal’s substance you were made;
Your actions can be swift revealing steps,
Your life a changeful mould for growing gods (10).’”.
References
1. Sri Aurobindo. The Complete Works of Sri Aurobindo, Volume 13. Pondicherry: Sri Aurobindo Ashram Trust; 1998, p. 199.
2. Sri Aurobindo. The Complete Works, Volume 31; 2014, p. 251.
3. [Online] Available from: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment [Accessed 23rd August 2024].
4. [Online] Available from http://bhagavadgita.org.in/Chapters/6/35 [Accessed 23rd August 2024].
5. [Online] Available from: https://www.forbes.com/sites/timmaurer/2023/10/08/hedonic-adaptation-are-we-destined-for-dissatisfaction/ [Accessed 23rd August 2024].
6. The Mother. Collected Works, Volume 15. 2nd ed. Pondicherry: Sri Aurobindo Ashram Trust ; 2003, p. 147.
7. [Online] https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/mindfulness-meditation-may-ease-anxiety-mental-stress-201401086967 [Accessed 23rd August 2024].
8. [Online] https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20230912-how-i-hacked-my-brain [Accessed 23rd August 2024].
9. The Mother, Collected Works, Volume 14; 2003, p.254.
10. Sri Aurobindo. Complete Works. Volume 33-34; 1997, p. 370.
Rekha Amar is a practitioner of Integral Yoga of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. She is based in Melbourne, Australia..
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